How Are You Today?
How are things going at work? At home?
How do you feel about your day-to-day life overall?
Do you have dreams you’re afraid to chase?
Or perhaps you’re unsure what those dreams might be?
Are you stuck doing things you don’t want to do, unsure why you can’t stop?
Do you find yourself asking, over and over again… Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose?
If any (or all) of these questions made you cringe or feel uncomfortable, don’t panic.
The two keys to personal transformation are here to help.
The truth is, many individuals find themselves feeling anxious or overwhelmed when they reflect on their lives. A significant number of people walk through life burdened by an ever-present sense of deficiency—whether it’s a perceived lack of love, financial stability, personal security, self-fulfillment, or any one of the countless other forms of scarcity that can weigh heavily on the human spirit. This pervasive feeling of not having enough can shape their thoughts, emotions, and actions in profound ways.
Life is hard, they say. Life is unfair, they say. And they end there. Life is hard. Life is sometimes unfair.
You may have been born into a very unlucky environment. Your family may have had its share of trouble. You may have been abused, extremely disappointed, or deeply hurt by someone. You may have lost someone important to you. You may have come this far barely hanging on. But you do have a choice to be happy.
You always have a choice to be happy.
The Two Keys
If you take the time to dig deeper, you’ll discover that you’re far less alone than you may have believed. The truth is, most people carry their own scars, often hidden from plain view. Many bear the weight of profound, deep-seated traumas that have shaped their lives in significant ways.
In fact, some of the most admirable and inspiring individuals you encounter have risen above incredible challenges and hardships. The journey was never simple or straightforward for anyone, but their resilience has allowed them to persevere and thrive.
Let’s get it straight: there is no easy way around difficulty.
However, you do have options of how you navigate it.
One option is burying your sorrows, insecurities, and uncertainties deep under an emotional carpet and acting as though they aren’t there. However, this approach won’t get you through anything. Instead, it will linger in the background, quietly adding to the burden you carry.
The other option is to work through your mental, emotional, and existential blocks—one thing at a time.
One. Small. Piece. At a time. That’s the first key.
It is the desire to become perfect overnight that keeps us stuck in our old patterns. The myths of overnight success and instant transformation keep us believing that what we need is a miracle of some sort. Dig deeper, and you’ll see that so-called overnight successes are actually the product of countless trials and errors, and sudden transformations—breakthroughs after years of struggle and effort.
Instead of aiming to wake up as a completely new person tomorrow, focus on taking small, manageable steps today. If you’re a reckless spender, don’t attempt to overhaul your entire budget at once—start by skipping one or two unnecessary items on your next shopping trip. If you’re a heavy drinker, try having a glass of water between drinks or stopping an hour earlier than usual. If you’re nursing a broken heart, do something kind for yourself—like a hot cup of tea or a relaxing bath—any time a wave of sadness washes over you.
You hold the power to reshape your reality. Don’t surrender it to circumstances.
Which brings us to the second key.
The second key is to realise that the only thing you can change and control is you. In other words, taking responsibility for how you show up, regardless of others, environment or circumstances. Everything else can and often will change in ways that are entirely out of your control. Let me say this again: you are the only thing you can control.
While this is not an uncommon idea, it is by far the hardest concept for people to fully grasp and act on.
But why?
Taking Responsibility
We love making our misery someone else’s responsibility. It is too much to think that we are stuck somewhere because of our own choices. We blame the manager, our family, the betraying friend, our partners, the politics, the economy, the weather, the cat or the dog.
And yes, there are many things that happened to us that we are not responsible for. Things we never wanted, never wished for, and never deserved.
Taking responsibility for your circumstances does not mean ignoring or making less of past traumas or difficult circumstances—it just means choosing a proactive approach.
There are many circumstances we are not responsible for. But we are 100% responsible for how we handle these circumstances and who we become as a result.
You are not responsible for the cards dealt to you.
But you are responsible for how you play them.*
You always have a choice. From small decisions like breakfast to major life-altering ones, every choice you make shapes your path. The freedom that comes with realising this is immense.
The choice is, and always has been, yours.
Conclusion
The two keys to personal transformation—changing one small piece at a time and taking responsibility for your circumstances—are all you need to change whatever you want to change. Except trying to change others, of course —but we have already covered that that’s not what you should be trying to do.
Admit that you are the only thing you can change, and start gently exploring yourself, one layer at a time.
Dust off each piece, assess its value, and decide if it’s worth keeping. The more ruthless you are in this introspection process, the faster your progress will be. With each small win, you’ll feel lighter, more confident, and even a bit smarter along the way.
Every small change in direction leads to a completely different destination.
Keep tweaking your course, and you’ll find yourself exactly where you want to be.
The choice is always yours.
The Classroom of Self
*a take on a quote attributed to Randy Pausch
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